*Sigh*. I actually sighed there in case you’re wondering. A lot has been on my mind lately, and it takes some time for me to compartmentalize all my thoughts so I can make them make sense. Truthfully, today is a tough day mentally. I really can’t shake this feeling of loneliness.
When I first made the decision to come to Ireland, I had no idea that it was going to be a long term thing. I knew that I was coming to play pro ball and get my Master’s Degree, but other than that I really didn’t know what to expect. Throughout my first year here, I knew that I made the right decision. However, I started thinking about ways I could stay because I didn’t want to leave. Somewhere deep down I knew that this was going to be my new home. I just had to figure out how to make that thought a reality.
Of course, I did think about the implications of moving abroad. It’s not as easy as some people may think it is. I’m sure there’s someone reading that’s moved abroad for a period of time and knows what I’m talking about. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hang out with my friends. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hug my family and have those conversations over dinner like we used to have. I knew that I’d be by myself everyday. It was a lot to sacrifice to make sure that I could be the best me possible.
Fast forward four years later, and I’m standing by that decision. It’s the best move I’ve ever made. I’m able to do a lot of the things I wouldn’t have been able to do back home and I thank God for that. I’ve also met so many amazing people and built great relationships. Though with that being said, there are times, like today, where I’m like ‘Damn, I really miss my family and friends.’
It’s tough man. And dealing with anxiety definitely doesn’t help. I find myself over thinking at times about what I’m doing and I go down this spiral of “what ifs”. But, the most prominent thought is that I can’t physically hug or see my family and friends. I’d say COVID has a lot to do with that due to all of the uncertainty around it. But, I can’t wait until I do see everyone.
Don’t think of this post as me needing a pity party. It’s far from that. It’s more of a reflection about the sacrifices we make to give ourselves the best lives possible. Those sacrifices can sometimes put us on an island. However, without those sacrifices, we wouldn’t be able to grow. Growth is what we should be aiming for as humans. Shit, it’s the reason why I took the steps to start writing to you again. Appreciate your growth. You’re doing so well. And thank you all for growing with me.
Happy Friday.
Peace and blessings.
CB
Conroy's Cosy Corner 