Medication Doesn’t Signify Weakness

Today, I wanted to touch on the stigma around taking medication for your mental health issues and my experience with them. We take medication for all kinds of ailments, whether it’s a headache, stomach issues, or physical pain. 

However, when it comes to taking medicine for your mental health issues, it’s a subject matter that has people walking on eggshells. I have no idea why. It’s a tough challenge; I won’t lie. Let’s talk about 2018.

After my bout with suicidal thoughts, I went to a few different doctors to speak about my situation. The last one I went to was a lovely gentleman, and he understood my problem completely. 

He told me that he would prescribe me antidepressants and anxiety meds. I was utterly shaken. Antidepressants? Anxiety medication?

I never thought I would have to take them, and part of me felt ashamed for being so weak and struggling. But I think it had to do with being a man, the label of being vulnerable, and my overall pride. What else could I do, though? Therapy wasn’t enough, and I wasn’t getting too much better, so I went for it. And I don’t regret my decision.

Taking antidepressants is a weird experience. The ones I was prescribed were called Escitalopram. Unless you feel like you need them, I wouldn’t recommend it. 

Did they help? I felt happier, my mood swings died down, and I felt like I could push on with life. However, that first month was rough. You don’t feel the side effects of taking them until about 4-5 days after you start, but when they hit, you’ll know. 

No lie, I felt like I was being ripped in two most days. I was irritable. I had no appetite. But when I did eat, I would get nauseous and want to throw up. I was crying more. 

There would be moments where I would burst out in tears at random times and be so confused. After the first week, I wanted to stop taking them because I couldn’t take the side effects. It was a cruel experience. But I got through it.

The anxiety meds were a little bit easier to deal with, but maybe that was because taking the antidepressants was so harsh on my body. I got prescribed Xanax. Initially, I felt sleepy, but once I got used to them, it would calm me down whenever I felt my anxiety creeping into certain situations.

Overall, I was starting to get somewhat balanced going into 2018. The medication was helping. I knew I had to finish my Master’s Degree, and it was my second season of professional basketball, so I had a lot to take care of. And I was. 

All my work was getting done, and I was still giving out smoke on the court, so I felt like I was in a suitable space. But, one thing was in the back of my mind throughout it all; how long would I be on this medication?

I knew that I needed it to help me get through the rest of the year. I’ve also heard of the stories of people becoming dependent on antidepressants and taking them for years, and I didn’t want that to be me. So I had to figure out what to do.

Fast forward to November 2018, I went to the doctor and got my last batch of medication. I didn’t tell him I wanted to come off of them. I knew myself that if I didn’t make the decision, that I’d be on them longer than I wanted to. 

But I was equally scared to come off of them because they helped a lot. So I went cold turkey. I wouldn’t recommend that at all. 

We all know our personalities, but I’d say gauge your situation too. I needed to because I was ready to take the following steps in my life to be a better me and wanted to try and do it on my own.

December makes two years since I’ve been off the medication, and I’m proud of myself. I took the step to take medication, and I’m even prouder of myself for choosing to come off of it and learning how to manage without. That’s not to say that I don’t have my struggles, but I learned so much about myself through that process.

The picture you see for this post is of me on my graduation day in 2018. I was on meds then. It shows you that struggle has no authentic look. We’re all dealing with something, so it pays to be kind. You’re not weak for going out to seek help, and you’re not weak for taking the medication to help you out. Do what’s best for you. That’s the bottom line.

Keep pushing through. We’ve almost made it through 2020.

Happy Saturday.

Peace and blessings.

CB