You’re probably looking at the title of this post, like “What?” Understandably so, but I’ll break it down for you. Blueslides by Schoolboy Q was one of my favorite songs this year (although my Spotify Wrapped doesn’t think so).
The song is a tribute to Mac Miller, a rapper who passed away years ago from an overdose. Mac Miller dealt with some mental health issues and often struggled, but he was very relatable in his music, which is why he had so many fans. Although this post isn’t about death or anything close to it, I felt compelled to write because the slow melody of that song brought back memories of childhood Christmas days.
Give Thanks
November 23rd until the New Year can be challenging for me. I’ve given up spending Thanksgiving with my family to live abroad, but it’s not like I don’t miss the holiday. People go out of their way to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving, which I appreciate. However, sometimes it stings because I know that I can’t be with my family to celebrate.
And like all holidays, it’s only ONE day. But it’s not that; it’s the lead-up to it and the aftermath. I remember when I was a kid and Thanksgiving Day was on the horizon; that week of school would seem like a breeze because it was a shorter week. The night before was full of excitement because I knew that I’d be able to see my cousins and hang out with them all night. For whatever reason, Thanksgiving always felt like Christmas to me. Maybe it was because I was looking forward to family time or because I knew Christmas was only a month away. Either way, I always enjoyed Thanksgiving with the family (of course, having hella food helped with the joy, too!)
Mur Crimas
Since there’s no Thanksgiving in Ireland, it’s full steam ahead to Christmas once Halloween is over. At first, I thought these people were tweakin’ because, at that point, Christmas was 2 months away. But when there’s no holiday in between, what else would you be looking forward to?
I have a love-hate relationship with how Christmas in Ireland makes me feel. I love it because it still feels like it did when I was a kid. There’s a massive sense of togetherness; everyone is out meeting with friends or family members they haven’t seen in a while. Lights are up everywhere, and it feels very nostalgic.
On the other hand, that same nostalgia messes with my emotions a bit. Sometimes, I’m sad because I don’t have that immediate access to my family like I used to. Although it’s a chosen sacrifice, I often wonder if I would sacrifice what I’m doing now to spend the holidays with my family. Would I trade it all to get back those moments of nostalgia again?
I remember having those days off from school before Christmas, and all my sister and I would do was try to find ways to take a sneak peek at whatever gifts we may have. My brother would just be chillin’ and tell us to do the same. On Christmas Eve, my parents would allow us to open one gift (after hours of begging them). That night, my brother and I would play video games until the early hours of Christmas morning. Once a reasonable time hit Christmas Day, my sister and I would wake our parents up and start opening the gifts. The day would continue with video games, food, laughter, and, eventually, watching basketball games.
I miss those moments.
Holiday Blues
It can be challenging for most of us around the holiday period. Some have lost a family member around this time or recently enough to where celebrating the holiday still hurts. Some may have no one to celebrate with at all. Me? I’m wondering if I’ll be able to get home for a bit. While it’s not as tough as the situations I mentioned above, this year, in particular, there’s a lot of rigamarole surrounding this decision. But it’s not entirely up to me.
Initially, I thought that I wouldn’t be able to go because my visa was delayed. But then I found out I could because I got an answer, and now I’m back in a place where it seemed like false hope because there’s more delay. I was looking forward to going home, but unfortunately, it isn’t going to happen.
This will be the first time in my life that I’m not spending it with my family. I was blessed to be able to see them multiple times this year, so I can’t complain too much. I still have a multitude of blessings surrounding me, and I can’t let it get me down too much. As a line from the song goes:
Man, I gotta shake this shit, wake up, and move with a purpose.
Moving with purpose has definitely been a lot more challenging this month and probably will be until the new year. But I know God has given me the strength to push forward daily. As I said in a previous post, I’m in my “anime training arc” and trying to become a better version of myself. Part of that version is trying not to lose the fire within me that pushes me to be my best self, even when life is giving me all the reasons not to. Last Christmas, I was with my family and my significant other. This Christmas, I’m without both. Although I’ll be spending it with another family I’m close with and grateful for, it still can’t change the fact that my inner child is a little homesick.
Have a wonderful day, y’all, and sorry for the delay. I’ll post more consistently over the break. And please don’t forget to subscribe to my blog and follow @conroycosycorner on IG! Thank you!
Peace and blessings
CB
Conroy's Cosy Corner 