Delayed, Not Denied

Woosah…how are you doing, folks? I know it’s been a minute, and honestly, I’m ashamed. There are many reasons why, which I’ll get into later on in this post. And it’s given me a form of writer’s block. I’ve never really had writer’s block before; it’s a real thing, but I’ve never experienced it in the traditional sense.

However, external factors have prevented me from feeling like I could write because I wasn’t feeling like my complete self until probably mid-January. All the while, I had this one tucked away in my head, crafting it, envisioning it, and seeing the words clearly. I knew it was only a matter of time before I sat down to write again, and I’m glad today’s the day.

Let’s discuss the past few months. This will be long, so I hope you have a cup of tea or coffee.

December 2024

As I mentioned in my last post, the holidays are always challenging because I’m away from my family. But this time around, it was even more difficult because I was in limbo with my visa. My visa situations usually happen during the summer when school is off, so I don’t worry too much.

However, this one had been going on for roughly 5 months, so I was fatigued. I had many conversations with the school administration about what would happen if it didn’t come through, which scared me. I asked others for help to see if they could find out anything about my processing, and while that did help, I’m grateful there wasn’t much else to do.

I knew that things would be bleak once I was done for the term. So, throughout Christmas break, I sat with it. I sat with everything I felt: frustration, anger, disappointment, fear, and loneliness. And it was in those emotions that God revealed a lot to me.

Y’all know I’m a man of God. He’s my Lord and Savior, and he’s gotten me through so many things that I’ll eventually put in a book someday. But when I tell you he kept me, he really did. I’m not a preacher, pastor, or deacon, nor do I don’t to be. However, as someone who believes in God and the power of prayer, I’d be remiss in not sharing how that time shaped and molded me.

It allowed me to dive into my Bible more, and a few verses stood out to me. Here they are:

2 Corinthians 12: 8 – 10

I asked the Lord 3 times that this thing might depart from me. But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will boast in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, reproaches, hardships, persecutions, and distresses for Christ’s sake.

Matthew 6:34

Therefore, take no thought about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take thought about the things of itself. Sufficient to the day is the trouble thereof.

Romans 5:3-4

Not only so, but we boast in tribulation, knowing that tribulation produces patience, patience produces character, and character produces hope.

Sit with those for a second and let them seep in. Whether you believe in God, the universe, or something else, the principles from those verses can be applied to everyday life.

For example, in the first one from 2 Corinthians 12:8 – 10, the writer asks God to remove their hardship three times, and God says, “Nah.” Instead, he reminds the writer that he has his grace already and that throughout this hardship, all he needs to do is rest in him.

The second and third verses, Matthew 6:34 and Romans 5:3 – 4, were the ones I repeated to myself the most, and they will probably get tattooed on me at some point this year. You don’t need to believe in God to take something from both verses.

It’s hard for us as humans to not think about tomorrow, next week, or next year because that’s naturally within us. But we do it even more so in stressful situations. How can you not worry about the future when it seems like there’s no way out? Furthermore, how can you be joyful and hopeful in challenging situations? When dealing with things out of your control, you learn a lot about yourself.

Most humans would struggle with that; something isn’t going their way, so they go through hell and high water to make it go how they want to. Unfortunately, what ends up happening is we create more stress and anxiety for ourselves and, unknowingly, those around us too. As a result, it leads us to things like depression and isolation.

Although I’ve dealt with visa delays in the past, this one was a lot more difficult to manage. In the past, when I didn’t understand my anxiety or ADHD, I would panic and try doing things on my own. This time around, I’m not saying those feelings weren’t there at times, but I didn’t let them overwhelm me. Instead, I read my Bible and held onto verses that would help me traverse this time and change my perspective. Again, as I said, I’m not trying to preach at you; I’m merely showing you how I used these verses to get through the past few months.

I’m fully aware that people are turned off by religion, but I’m not talking about religion. I’m talking about God, which are 2 separate things. Religion is a created structure with good intentions but can also be controlling because it dictates a lot about what a person should and shouldn’t do. And when you throw in people’s lack of understanding about who God really is, you get statements like, “Well, if there is a God, why does he let bad things happen to good people?”

I don’t have kids, but I liken a relationship with God to us being the children and him the parent. You can’t protect your child from everything because they must learn and experience things themselves. We all have free will and can choose how we want to live our lives, and God has nothing to do with that. I want to think I’m a good person, but bad things happen to me all the time. For example, I almost died in a car accident a few years ago; even this past visa situation could be considered “bad.”

Could you imagine how crazy it would be for someone to say, ” Yeah, since I believe in God, nothing bad happens to me?” Then nothing bad happens to them, and the person who doesn’t has everything terrible happening? Do you know how bad that would be for the world? Considering the complexities we already face today, it would create so many MORE adverse situations.

Here’s where things often get misconstrued; God is not a genie. If it was that easy, I’d be in the NBA and have hundreds of millions of dollars. Nah, a relationship with God is a lot of hard work. There’s plenty of give and take; we must cultivate that relationship with him. And what’s amazing about God is that, as a great parent does, he meets you halfway sometimes, if not more, because he wants that relationship with you. Then, you learn more about yourself and your purpose by fine-tuning that relationship with him.

But I digress (and thank you if you’re still reading now.)

January 2025

I knew that when I returned to school after Christmas break, I only had that week before my time was up. But I went into that week with a lot of peace, God’s peace.

I did everything I could to help the situation: I sent emails, called people, went to the immigration office in person, and asked many for help. So, my job was done. Now, I had to sit back and trust God and his timing. If I say I believe and have faith in him, I must showcase it.

When people would ask how I felt about it, I would say, “I’m good,” and not like the “fake” “I’m good” so you can get the person to stop bothering you. I was good, relatively happy, and kept my focus on the man above. Then the end of the week came, and it hit me that I wouldn’t be returning to work the following Monday.

For the first couple of days of the following week, I sat with my feelings and was a little numb to what I was experiencing because, again, I’m human. Of course, the doubts and fears wanted to creep in. Still, after all my spiritual and emotional work from November onwards, I didn’t want to let negativity win.

Instead, I changed my perspective. I took it as some well-deserved time off. It allowed me to write down some goals I want to accomplish over the next few months, which I’m actively doing now. I reflected much more on my purpose and whether I was doing all I could to maximize my efforts.

What I couldn’t do was sit there and wallow in my disappointment about not working. Plus, my employment was suspended, not terminated; once I had my visa acceptance notification, which came a week and a half later, I could return to work.

It’s funny because I was happy the day I saw the email about my visa being accepted. But it wasn’t like this big moment when I jumped for joy; I smiled and said, “Thank you, God, for seeing me through,” and proceeded to text those who were in my corner throughout the entire time to give them the good news.

February 2025

Now that I had my visa, the next step was figuring out how to get home. Thankfully, a good friend of mine has family working for an airline, so they were able to help me out with a buddy pass. If you’ve ever flown on one, you know it’s entirely up to chance and seat availability.

My plan was to leave on Valentine’s Day so I could spend the entire weekend with my parents. I got to the airport very hopeful but was ultimately told that nothing was available. It was disheartening because I was looking forward to seeing my family. But I took it on the chin and went home that night, hoping that I could fly out the next day.

The following morning, I had my eyes on a specific flight leaving Dublin at 11 a.m., so I got to the airport with more than enough to try and make it. However, I was told it was packed, and I’d have to return at 11:30 to see about the others for the rest of the day.

Bro, I sat and cried while eating breakfast because I wanted to get home. I needed a break and to go see my people. Hearing that I had to wait some more frustrated me, but I remembered how far I had come. So I called my parents and said that if I don’t get on this one, I’ll stay and see them in Easter. As hard as that was, I knew that I’d be okay because I was during the Christmas season.

I went back to the agent, who said that the other 2 afternoon flights were looking good, but I would have to return at 3:30 p.m. So, rather than sit and wait, I traveled back home to kill time and then back to the airport. But when I left the house the second time, I did so knowing that I wouldn’t return until the following week.

Sure enough when I went to the agent again, she said I’ll call your name in a few minutes. Eventually, she called my name, issued my boarding pass (with the exit row, hehe), and I headed home to see my loved ones.

Delays are Temporary, Not Permanent

Delays can be painful, whether you’re stuck in traffic trying to get somewhere, waiting to catch a plane, or hoping for some good news. However, most of the time, we can’t do anything about the delay. If you’re stuck in traffic, you can’t drive any faster because the people in front of you aren’t doing so. You have all right to be upset about the delay, but why let it overwhelm you completely?

Whatever delay you’re facing, try to put it in the proper perspective. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but you can rest in the fact that you’ve done your part. While the hindrances are annoying, you can continue making yourself better in other ways while you wait. And if you are denied after waiting for so long, it’s going to hurt and probably a good amount. On the other hand, you were molded and shaped so much throughout your waiting period that the next one won’t even phase you.

Again, please subscribe to my blog if you haven’t already done so, and follow @conroycosycorner on IG for more updates! I’m taking my time with it, but I’m getting there.

2,200 words later, I appreciate you if you’re still here because this was a lot to get off my chest. Thank you for taking the time to read and understand everything.

Peace and blessings.

CB